Sugarplummed (2024)
“Holy fruitcakes”: when Hallmark parodies itself - with a checklist! (I love a list!)
Sugarplummed follows an overworked mom who just wants her family to have the perfect Christmas. Insert Sugarplum, the star of a holiday series of movies on the Hallmark Harmony channel. For Sugarplum, life is a Christmas TV movie, complete with an extensive list of rules that ensure a happy ending every time (not a euphemism… well, probably not…). Very quickly you realize that this is Hallmark’s super meta, tongue-in-cheek movie about their own Countdown to Christmas, which means hitting various tropes along the way, including:
Snowball fight
Carolling (in a jail… this was a bit of a stretch)
Snowflake fingerprints
Dickensian costumes carollers
Christmas Eve pageant
A “Reindeer games” competition wherein contestants had to prove their prowess in:
Gift wrapping competition
Handmade Christmas cards
Knitting
Gingerbread house decorating
But the real star of this movie is the list of rules to ensure a perfect Christmas every single time. It’s like the anti “Bro Code” from How I Met Your Mother. It works… sort of… but maybe don’t substitute a bottle of gin for the ginger needed in a baking recipe thinking it’ll all work out no matter what.
The Official Rules of Christmas Movies
(painstakingly noted when mentioned throughout the movie - you’re welcome. Emphasis mine on those I found particularly entertaining).
1 - It always snows everywhere all the time, especially at Christmastime
2 - Christmas magic can only have positive ramifications
11 - teens love nothing more than an emotional heart to heart with their parents (LOL)
17- sometimes good guys just need a win
19 - no matter where it may come from, you’ll know the perfect Christmas tree the moment you see it
26- every child’s greatest wish for a gift always comes true through the magic of Christmas
27- if you exchange gifts, theirs will always be exactly what you needed but never asked for
35 - when two people can’t stand each other, they’re destined to fall madly in love before Christmas (this is 85% of Hallmark’s Countdown)
39- a bag of any size can contain a full winter wardrobe including multiple coats, scarves and mittens
46 - if they gift you a handmade ornament, they’re already thinking of your future
47 - when a big city girl meets a small town bachelor over the holidays they are guaranteed to fall in love and get married (farewell pencil skirts and stilettos, bring on the jeans and flannel)
50- a surprise visit home for the holidays will reunite you with a long lost love
51- when a festive competition is introduced into the story, a fun and winning new perspective in the holidays is guaranteed for all
56 - never let a mistletoe moment go to waste
60 - sharing the last peppermint candy means sharing a future together
61 - whenever a holiday traveller is stranded in a faraway place they’ll be invited to find a harmonious home with new friends
62 - If they stay up late helping you wrap presents, they’re already unwrapping their feelings (missed this - someone else caught it)
63 - no high paying job can ever match the rewards of reuniting with a high school sweetheart (sure…)
72 - when a holiday task is undertaken it must be seen through to a happy ending
96 - in the vicinity of Christmas cheer, any baked goods will turn out visually stunning and perfectly delicious regardless of any ingredients you have on hand
107 - Nothing can stop a festively decorated tree from proudly displaying its love of the holiday season (missed this - someone else caught it)
108 - in each and every home, vintage ornaments with a strong emotional connection are a must
118 - Seeing is believing, unless a random explanation happens to present itself (missed this - someone else caught it)
124 - any logistical or legal obstacles to enjoying the holidays must be resolved in a heartwarming and timely manner
125 - if they remember the little things about your favourite Christmas memories, they’re thinking about making new ones with you
141 - At Christmastime, the attitude is gratitude (missed this - someone else caught it)
142 - Flannel is a natural aphrodisiac (LOL forever!)
143 - A shared sleigh ride at dusk in the start of a journey to more than just the next town (missed this - someone else caught it)
Plus three rules about handsome strangers bearing gifts at Christmastime
You’ll like this if…
content
